No Deal

No deal.

I have recently adopted this as my new mantra.

In the wake of shock, loss, humiliation, despair, helplessness, usually an inner voice pipes up: “ok, I just need to deal with this.”  The voice reassures us with affirmations: “I can deal” or empathizes with helplessness: “I can’t deal.”  It is so often brought into my office: “I need help to deal with this, what can I do?”

Anxious mind is always trying to bargain with experience.  If this, then that.  Please, just this time.  Ok, after this, then that.  If this doesn’t stop, I’ll…

Well, no deal.

Who are you dealing with?  You cannot bargain with an emotion.  There is no way around, no shortcuts or time machines.  The loss is lost.  The worry worried.  The feeling felt.  The self-critical voices voiced.  Relating to reality includes the reality of protest, the reality of automatic and ugly thoughts, the reality of feeling powerless and abandoned.

Compassion begins at the moment we can say No Deal.

Author /researcher Christopher Germer defines mindfulness as: “Witnessing of here and now experience, without judgment, with acceptance.”  Buddhist author Tara Brach defines radical acceptance as: “clearly recognizing what we are feeling in the present moment and regarding that experience with compassion.”  Acceptance doesn’t mean that the events in the world are okay.  I am not consenting to injustice.  Acceptance also doesn’t mean I reject my protest.  It means I am willing to have my experience.  The alternative is a perpetual loop of self-aggression.

For instance, when I extend myself in a risky social encounter like public speaking, I know that for a day or two afterwards a self-critical voice will occasionally shout “you idiot!” no matter how well I present myself.  I know that when I experience a rejection, I’m going experience a wave of hurt, and for a few days my mind will churn up a dramatic litany of lost futures.

Being a mindfulness practitioner doesn’t mean my practice gets me a way out of this.  I don’t get to trade in fear for acceptance.  Cultivating bodhicitta is not a get-out-of-hurt free card.  Acceptance means accepting pain on its own terms.  I don’t get to stop being an ego that wants praise and status and control.

But when I say No Deal, I get everything back.  All the cards on the table, every wager, every ante.  These reactions are a pile of gold we are sitting on. They can become the most precious thing in the world.   Anger, embarrassment, hurt – contain the energy of caring, the fire of wanting, the enormous power of a unique, individual life force expressing itself and trying to find a way to connect with the world.  These feelings are completely precious and nothing to be ashamed of.

Acceptance, compassion, and willingness allow negative thoughts, feelings, and reactions to be part of my experience: the tape loop is going to keep playing, and it will play louder at times.  Sadness will flood in, as an expression of caring and connection.   Accepting this, I can start to relax, and appreciate the movement and energy that comes with being alive.



Profit involves the deferral of the true cost of a product to the “Other”, an exercise of power that privileges the consumer, and of course the profiteer whose manipulates this act.  The cost of oil is deferred to vulnerable ecosystems, the cost of high fructose corn syrup is deferred to vulnerable bodies, the cost of fast fashion is deferred to vulnerable populations. The continual creation of commodities to displace in this way is achieved by systematically stripping a product of its context – mutually interdependent social, ecological, emotional, relational, and temporal continuities. Consumer goods serve as vectors that perpetuate established power relations and institutions.  Yet the complexities that are denied in this exercise still remain.

Commodification achieved by stripping something of its context applies to immaterial goods as well as physical ones.  Consider the rising popularity of “mindfulness” in popular culture, as Ron Purser and David Loy question in a recent article.  Citing the increasing adoption of mindfulness concepts and techniques into American institutions – schools, corporations, prisons and government agencies – the authors question the distortion that occurs when mindfulness becomes a legitimized consumer product.

While a stripped-down, secularized technique — what some critics are now calling “McMindfulness” — may make it more palatable to the corporate world, decontextualizing mindfulness from its original liberative and transformative purpose, as well as its foundation in social ethics, amounts to a Faustian bargain. Rather than applying mindfulness as a means to awaken individuals and organizations from the unwholesome roots of greed, ill will and delusion, it is usually being refashioned into a banal, therapeutic, self-help technique that can actually reinforce those roots.

Mindfulness’s popularity is based in its tangibly powerful technology for addressing and transforming suffering.  Everyone wants to be happy.  However, stripping the techniques of mindfulness from their context defers the root causes and conditions involved, in the service of the status quo.  Commodifying mindfulness into relaxation and focusing techniques ultimately protects institutions.  On one level, it protects the institution of the personal ego and its quest for control of experience.  On another level, it protects oppressive and alienating social structures – in the face of which we experience natural feelings of protest – the disquiet, frustration, anxiety, and depression we are often trying to eliminate with meditation.

Mindfulness training has wide appeal because it has become a trendy method for subduing employee unrest, promoting a tacit acceptance of the status quo, and as an instrumental tool for keeping attention focused on institutional goals.

Early in my psychotherapy training I saw video of a woman in therapy recorded in 1964, who was struggling with the same wrenching internalized double-standards of femininity that my contemporaries are still suffering from 50 years later.  A cynicism awoke in me, a dark fear that the role of the therapist would be like a janitor patching up the casualties of our power structures, helping clients to internally cope with harmful social forces.  As such I would be performing in service of established institutional injustices, doing nothing to address the systemic causes of suffering but in fact perpetuating them by pacifying their victims.

A therapy that does otherwise must continually resist becoming a consumer product, merely selling reassurance and quiescence – and at what price?  As a counsellor specializing in mindfulness-based psychotherapy, I am doubly poised for profit. To be honest about the practice I must be in constant dialogue with the practice itself – which is one of recontextualizing, coming into interconnectedness and complexity, and as such, is inherently radical.

If you’d like to see the revolution, it is advised that you purchase tickets and attend the revolution. The revolution is not sold out. In fact, season tickets are still available.

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